Diet Excuses :-) morsom!

[Anonym bruker]

Diet Excuses

 

1. But the doughnut was calling my name.

 

 

2. I felt left out because they were eating.

 

 

3. But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

 

 

4. The kids over seas are starving, so naturally I have to clean my plate.

 

 

5. I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had a ice cream.

 

 

6. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

 

 

7. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

 

 

8. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

 

 

9. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

 

 

10. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

 

 

11. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

 

 

12. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no FAT content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.

 

 

13. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

 

 

14. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

 

 

15. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

 

 

16. Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

 

 

 

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

 

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

 

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

 

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

 

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.

 

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

 

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

 

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

 

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

 

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

 

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

 

 

 

THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE

 

~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

 

~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

 

~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

 

~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

 

~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

 

~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.

 

~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

 

~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

 

~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

 

~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.

 

~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

 

~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?

A. Because no one wants to quit.

 

~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

 

~A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

 

~If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

 

~If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

 

 

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS

 

 

17. Overheard at McDonald's.... " There are no calories in this. Look how small these chicken nuggets are and there are so few of them. I eat them every day."

 

 

18. 'Eat off someone else's plate. The calories don't count if its not your food.' Words of wisdom from Rach.

 

 

19. I can't start a diet today. It's not Monday and everybody knows diets don't work unless they are started on a Monday, (unfortunately every Monday in my case!) So I'll just have to pig out for the next 6 days and wait for Monday to roll round again.

 

 

20. I can't afford to buy the new clothes that I'll need if I lose weight so I'll just have to stay this size!

 

 

21. I was just testing your ice cream in case it had gone off, and I didn't want you to be sick! I wasn't certain so I had to keep having another spoonful to make sure.

 

 

22. By the time I'm thin fat will be in!!!

 

 

23. It wasn't a chocolate éclair, it was a funny looking stick of celery!

 

 

24. If you don't finish the donut, then it's calories don't add to your list from Weight Watchers.

 

 

25. If you eat the broken biscuits, the calories have all leaked out.

 

 

26. I'm not Overweight, I'm Undertall!

 

 

27. I'm not fat, I just retain water. I f I could take a 12-hour pee, I'd be ripped.

 

 

28. Since round is a shape, I can eat more to get in shape.

 

 

29. I have just been onto your Web Site and found it really interesting and thought I would send you the best excuse that I have heard as a Weight Watcher Leader, when weighing a member in at the scales.

 

The member had gained weight and when asked - "do you know why this has happened" she quickly replied - "yes, I went to McDonalds and had a large Big Mac Meal, and I forgot I was on Weight Watchers"

 

And believe it or not, the woman was genuine that she had forgot.... Bless her.

 

 

30. I'm a weight loss coach, my diet excuse is the one I saw on a poster of a large panda, in my doctor's office. The caption was: "I'm not fat; I'm just fluffy."

 

 

31. If you chew your food long enough you will kill the calories.

 

 

32. My doctor said I shouldn't over starve myself.

 

 

33. I went ahead and ate the rest today, so I can be good tomorrow.

 

 

34. I'm not sure if you already have this one, but here it goes: If you put your food, be it cake or vegetables, on a treadmill before you eat it, it has less calories. Shape it up anyway you want. i just thought of it watching biggest loser. I don't know if it was lodged somewhere in my brain already or not, but yeah. so there you go.

 

 

 

[Anonym bruker]

Haha, genial ;-)