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[ZamZam]

I LOVE MY JOB

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

 

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.

He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

 

 

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

 

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I fir st must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It is a wet suit. This time of year, the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

 

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is tak e the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

 

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

 

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, was laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

 

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

 

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

 

 

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

 

 

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

A woman meets a man in a bar.

 

 

 

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

 

 

 

There are three shelves in the Bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

 

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

 

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

 

She found it strange for an Obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, she is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!'

Maybe he could be the future

Father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.

He responds warmly.

 

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom

 

Where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion.

 

More creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night Of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

 

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, Strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

 

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'....

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________

 

 

WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG?

 

TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE.

 

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Proof that men have better friends

 

 

Woman's Friends:

A woman didn't come home one night.

The next day, she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.

The husband called his wife's ten best friends.

None of them knew what she was talking about.

 

 

 

Man's Friends:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day, he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The wife called her husband's ten best friends.

Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

 

 

 

 

Ok, nå skal jeg gi meg, men jeg synes de er hysterisk morsome og måtte bare dele dem med noen...

 

 

 

 

 

[ula ;o) og gutta]

Fin start på helga! Fikk meg en god latter nå, ja. Tusen takk ;D

[☆Monkey Business☆]

Hahahaha....veldig bra:)

[*ale*]

Hehehe:) Bra den med maneten:)