Følelser i prøveprosessen (les dette)

[Lillegull og spiren]

(kopiert fra babyverden)

http://www.babyverden.no/templates/Article____432.aspx

 

Følelser i prøveprosessen

Av redaktør Maren Eriksen

 

Når et par bestemmer seg for å prøve å unnfange et barn, er det vanligvis med stor glede og entusiasme at de skrider til verket. Å kvitte seg med prevensjon kan føles frigjørende og sex kan bli mer intimt og meningsfylt. Hvordan parene opplever de neste månedene avhenger mye av forventningene til hvor lang tid prøveperioden skal ta.

 

 

For et friskt, fruktbart par kan det ta opp mot ett år før unnfangelse inntreffer til tross for at paret har ubeskyttet sex på riktig tidspunkt i hver syklus. Statistisk tar det mellom fire og ti måneder for de fleste. Det er en femtedels sjanse for å lykkes hver syklus, men sjansene synker etter kvinnen har fylt 35 år. Unnfangelse tar også lengre tid om man bruker frossen donorsæd eller om kvinnen bruker eggløsningsfremmende medikamenter. Man anbefaler par som har prøvd i mer enn ett år å søke om utredning, noe tidligere om man er over 30 år.

 

Har ingen av dere forsøkt å bli gravide tidligere, går dere kanskje i gang med prøvingen med åpent sinn. Har dere derimot vært gravide før, tar du gjerne utgangspunkt i hvordan det var den gangen. Dem som ble gravid uten å prøve, eller med en gang de begynte å prøve, setter kanskje i gang med prøvingen med tro på at det skal gå like lett denne gangen. De kan bli svært skuffet over hvor lang tid det faktisk tar. Andre kan gå i gang med tro på at det vil ta tid, og bli sjokkert (eller gledelig overrasket) når alt klaffer på første forsøk.

 

Ethvert forsøk på å unnfange et barn er unikt. Unikt fordi unnfangelse avhenger av så mange ulike faktorer: helsetilstand, kosthold, livsstil, alder og tidspunkt for samleie for å nevne noen. Kvinnens syklus kan også være forskjellig fra måned til måned og fra år til år. Og alt skal klaffe for at egget skal bli befruktet og overleve.

 

Dersom unnfangelse finner sted etter to til fire prøvemåneder, synes paret som regel dette er en grei ventetid. Hvis det tar seks, åtte eller kanskje enda flere måneder før alt klaffer, hvilket er svært normalt selv om begge parter er friske, vil de kanskje begynne å sette spørsmålstegn ved sin eller partnerens fruktbarhet.

 

Dersom prøvingen tar lang tid, er det ikke uvanlig at dere blir frustrerte, deprimerte, bekymret eller skuffet. Men husk at det ikke hjelper å legge skylden over på den andre. Bebreidelser når ingensteds hen.

 

Det finnes det råd om hvordan dere kan takle følelsene dere møter:

 

Prat sammen: Det aller viktigste er å fortsette å prate åpent og ærlig med hverandre. Del følelser, fortell hvordan du har det, lytt til partneren din sin opplevelse av situasjonen – uten å føle deg truet. Er dette vanskelig, kan det være aktuelt å ta kontakt med en rådgiver.

Vær rause med sex: Det er ikke bare i tidsrommet rundt eggløsning at sex kan være deilig. Legg bort tankene om å få tidspunktet for sex til å klaffe med eggløsning for en stund og vær impulsive. Ha det gøy og vær litt lekne! Det er ingen grunn til at dere ikke kan ha sex selv om det ikke er en fruktbar periode.

Ta en pause: Synes dere det har gått lang tid og begynner å bli slitne av alt presset og spenningen hver måned, kan det være lurt å vurdere å ta en måneds pause. Bruk heller tiden på å pleie parforholdet. Kanskje kan dere dra på en liten ferie eller langhelg og bare slappe av, uten å tenke på om det er en fruktbar periode eller ikke.

Gjør livsstilsendringer sammen: Å spise sunnere, slutte (eller redusere) å røyke, kutte ut alkoholen, være fysisk aktive kan være lettere og morsommere om dere er to om det. Begynn gjerne på yoga- eller meditasjonskurs eller annet sammen. Dette styrker forpliktelsene til å jobbe sammen mot svangerskap.

Tenk alternativt: Noen velger å bruke naturmedisin for å bedre helsetilstanden. Det kan være massasje, akupunktur, homøopati eller naturprodukter. Andre vil prøve hypnose for å bli beroliget, særlig hvis tanken om unnfangelse er altomfattende og forstyrrer nattesøvnen. Kanskje kan dere massere hverandre, prøve avspenning og visualisering sammen?

Flere følelsesmessige overveielser:

Mange kvinner begynner prøvingen like etter prevensjonsstopp, eller etter å ha mistet et barn (for eksempel ved spontanabort). Disse, og andre omstendigheter kan ha innvirkning på kvinnens menstruasjonssyklus, og gjøre planleggingen litt vanskeligere.

 

Husk at kvinnen har eggløsning før neste menstruasjonsblødning. Dette betyr at det er mulig å unnfange et barn før neste menstruasjon kommer (slik at menstruasjonen aldri kommer fordi du allerede er gravid!). Men det kan ta tid – både uker og måneder, før syklusen din er regelmessig, og før eggløsning inntreffer igjen slik at du kan bli gravid. Å telle dager nytter ikke her ettersom du ikke har en dag én å gå ut fra, så fysiske tegn er den beste måten å finne ut av det på.

 

Når en kvinne mister et foster eller et barn (ved spontanabort, intrauterin fosterdød eller barnedød) er det ofte et sterkt instinkt i kvinnen for å erstatte svangerskapet, eller å få ting tilbake slik de var. For noen kvinner kan dette være det riktige å gjøre, mens for andre kan det være en følelsesmessig reaksjon på sorgen de opplever.

 

Å prøve å bli gravid kort tid etter å ha mistet, er en svært personlig avgjørelse å ta. Fra et fysisk standpunkt vil du være fruktbar to til seks uker etter spontanabort (før 20. svangerskapsuke) og fire til ti uker etter fødsel (etter 20. svangerskapsuke). Noen anbefaler likevel å vente én eller flere måneder med å prøve hvis du er uvel, har mistet mye blod, eller du har for eksempel diabetes eller høyt blodtrykk som bør stabiliseres før dere prøver igjen.

 

 

[Tryne_ nr.3 på vei]

Her er noe jeg fant sist uke. Dette er tanker fra par som har prøvd over 1 år.

 

This is a collection of thoughts from women facing the emotional rollercoaster of infertility. Some of it may make you cry, some of it may make you smile. The important thing is to realize that you are not alone in your struggle. Infertility may be the most difficult time of your life spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally. If you are personally experiencing infertility (TTC longer than 12 months) and would like to be prayed for, please email me your prayer request. God bless you.

 

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...

 

That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.

 

That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.

 

That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at O time.

 

That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.

 

That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.

 

That one day you wouldn't mind checking your CM or CP to see if it is your fertile period.

 

That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.

 

That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.

 

That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm

 

That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month

 

That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work too)

 

That you have no control over some of the goals you set...

 

That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!

 

That one day my DH would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside (thanks HSGs).

 

That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.

 

That miscarriage is so common.

 

That I would wish we had started TTC earlier.

 

That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.

 

That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!

 

That it would help bring a group of wonderful, caring, funny, empathetic women together like this.

 

That I would EVER be willing to stick a little blue pill up my hoo-haa (estrace pill...done vaginally),

 

That I'd EVER be willing to stab myself in the stomach or @ss every day in the hopes that it will help get me PG.

 

That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.

 

That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.

 

That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pg "wins".

 

That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!

 

That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!

 

Tat women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!

 

That I could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unecessary.

 

That I would be happy to see abundant cervial fluid and tell my DH about it.

 

That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

 

That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.

 

That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.

 

That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.

 

That having flo show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.

 

That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.

 

Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.

 

That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.

 

That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to ttc.

 

That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart an hpt in the hopes there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.

 

That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy.

 

That infertility is more common than you think.

 

That DH would get used to doing his 'thing' in a jar.

 

That one day all of this will make us stronger.

 

That there is sometimes darkness (infertility) before the light (a baby).

 

That no one I know (in my non FF life) would have any understanding as to how I feel.

 

That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.

 

That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.

 

That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.

 

That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

 

That I would make so many new, wonderful friends who totally get how I feel because we all suffer from the same affliction of infertility.

 

That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence.

 

That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pgcys, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pgcys.

 

That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.

 

That I am so glad my neice was born when she was, early in our ttc, because if she were born now I don't think I could deal with it.

 

That someone I thought to be my best friend would hurt me by saying that she was sick of hearing about my efforts at ttc.

 

That I'd discover who my true friends are, both IRL and online.

 

That I'd ever be able to bond with my step-sister (also infertile).

 

That I'd be glad to know that I have PCOS - because at least I know what's wrong.

 

That I would know about other peoples' BD, CP, CM but not know there real name, their DH's name, or their occupation.

 

That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).

 

That I would have to rely on doctors to give me the final say-so on what I can or can't do (on a med/procedure break forced by my RE against my wishes)

 

That foreplay would consist of DH asking "How's your cervix today"

 

That an HSG will tell you more than just whether or not your tubes are blocked. I had no idea your uterus could be misshaped.

 

That one person could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems.

 

That I should have become a gyno-which I think at this point I know more then some.

 

That some people just say the wrong things.

 

That a simple blood test costs $648!

 

That sex would ever become a chore!

 

That actually having a miscarriage would allow me to understand the loss that others have felt.

 

That miscarriage would make me want a baby even more than before!

 

That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."

 

That DH would be overly concerned that our BD positions were the most effective ones!

 

That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (DH, DD, family, friends, dogs, fun, etc)!

 

That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!

 

That I would be so sad, and ashamed.

 

That I would learn to speak in code

Like I checked Cm which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, dh won't let me for fear of BFN

 

That when AF showed up you would feel broken and disfunctional.

 

That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.

 

That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

 

That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.

 

That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.

 

That I would meet such wonderful group of people that I can share my sorrow, frustration and fears with.

 

That I would be going to a psychic to find out if there was a baby in my future (she told me twins in 3 to 5 months!)

 

That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.

 

That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.

 

That I would buy herbs and otc creams like vitex and progest, use them for two days, and then chicken out.

 

That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 20 months TTC...)

 

That my brother, who started TTC at the same time we did and whose wife got PG three months later, would go on and on telling me how tough and tiring life with a baby is, and then finish with: "You have no idea what it's like!"

 

That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would enfuriate me beyond belief.

 

That someone would suggest adoption to me in order to get pregnant (because it happened to a friend of theirs) before I had even had any testing done.

 

That we would have to schedule a BD session so DH could do it in a cup a few days later.

 

That I would have to help DH do it in a cup. (Just this morning!)

 

That my friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 before we get pregnant with #1.

 

That I wouldn't be able to attend my friend's babies 1st birthday parties because of the quesiton, "So, when are ya'll going to have children."

 

That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."

 

That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.

 

That it puts this much strain on a marriage.

 

That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the witch!

 

It's good to know I am not alone.

 

That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.

 

That being overweight would cause people to ask when I'm due, which in turn could cause me to cry.

 

That I would yell at commercials on the TV (that "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.")

 

That I would have to stop watching Birth Day and A Baby Story (two shows I love) because it just hurts too much.

 

That every girl should go to the gyn as soon as she gets AF the first time. If I had, I would have been dx with PCOS a lot faster.

 

That a friend would hid and ignore her own pregnancy to try to keep me from being upset. (we found out when she gave birth)

 

That sex does NOT ALWAY equal pregnancy or STD every time

 

That your body has its own mind.

 

That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone.

 

That you would cry your eyeballs out b/c AF showed.

 

That you would be jealous when everyone around you get pg including your 16yo cousin.

 

That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.

 

Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.

 

That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.

 

That all of a sudden nursing other people's babies becomes a depressing NOT joyful feeling

 

That you feel useless as a female

 

That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children

 

That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right about of the required "hormones" or doing what it should now how to do.

 

That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".

 

That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.