Leave him?

[Anonym bruker]

My boyfriend of 7 years is English, I'm Norwegian, we've been living in the UK for 5 years and have a toddler of 14 mths.We both agreed before we had the baby that we would move back to Norway sometime before the baby is 4. I told him several times that once we have a child I will want to move home to be close to my family and I feel it's the healthiest place to raise children.He totally agreed, and we had the baby. NOW he's changed his mind and doesn't want to move, doesn't think he'll be happy there,he wants to stay. I'm not happy in England anymore, I'm depressed and angry because it's too late to change your mind once you've had a baby! He promised me! I want to move back home but that means the baby stays with me and I'm taking away her chances of being close to dad.He won't get to see her very often. What a guilt trip!

Any advice? I'm miserable.

[Anonym bruker]

The only advice I would give you is to not make any rash decisions. Having a 14 months lod baby is hard and stressful and it easliy wears on a relationship. When you on top of that sit in a different country without your fam. everything seems so much worse. I have been exactly where you are. And I hung in there, and it sorted iteslf out. As the baby gets older things get easier and maybe you will feel different about the situation. Or maybe even better, maybe your boyfriend will change his mind. Can you maybe instead take off to Norway for longer periods of time. England is not too far. i was in the US with my fam. in Norway. I went for some long trips, and felt better. Now 3 years later we have all moved to Norway.

[Anonym bruker]

My advice;Move back to Norway, and tell him you love him, and that you and the baby will be waiting for him to come to you when he is ready to keep his words.

 

He gave you his word. That`s all there is to it!!

 

I have lived in a different country for years, and trust me;if you feel like this now, it will not get any better.

 

Follow your hearts voice............

[Kahbean]

Do you want to go back to Norway so badly that you're willing to give up your relationship with him? Are you not in love with him anymore since you're considering leaving him... or is it that you just really are depressed there and need to go back to Norway for your own sake? Explain to him that you can't handle living there any more but don't want to live without him and ask for his help. Maybe you and the baby can move to Norway temporarily and see how it goes. Then you can look for a place to live and jobs and see if he's willing to come after. But no matter what you do, discuss it with him. Tell him you can't do this anymore and have to move but that he needs to help you figure out how you can work it out. He needs to understand why you want to move and ask if he can at least give it a try. Ask him if he can at least give it one year. That's what my parents did. My mom didn't want to move to my dad's country but said she's try it for one year. If she didn't like it, they would then decide together who they would do it. Luckily she decided she couldn't live without him and compromised for a few years until he one day surprised her and moved back to Norway with her again. He finally understood how much it meant to her! They had some hard times but together they were able to work it out! Best of luck to you!

[Anonym bruker]

Thanks for replys. He just doesn't want to move, even if it means that he won't see his baby very often,maybe every 3rd month for a long weekend. I've told him I'm miserable in the UK, he works about 50-60 hours a week and refuses to cut down.We hardly ever see him as it is.I'm sick of it. He doesn't help out with the baby much,says he needs to rest when he has a day off.I never get a break.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the baby will be better off with a happier mommy..?

[Anonym bruker]

Perhaps you can ask him to move to Norway with you a year or two, as a trial? Say once you have given it a fair go in Norway you can re-evaluate both places together and see where is best for all of you.

 

It may sound very scary for him, the thought of leaving England forever to move to a country he doesn't really know. Starting with a test-the-water period where you both see how it goes might help.

 

I'm British and moved to Norway with my Norwegian husband before we had a baby. Although I miss my friends and family and a million things about the UK, and often daydream about moving back there, now that I have a child here in Norway and see what the quality of our everyday life is like, I can't imagine a time in our lives when it would be a better idea to go back to Britain than stay here.

 

He may need to see Norwegian family life in practise, but without the big scary "all or nothing", this move is forever feeling.