help i dont know what to do.....

[Leo's mum is doing fine :o)]

I just wrote a long innlegg that dissappeared because my year old son turned off the contact to the computer :S.

 

But i will try again, i am 7 weeks pregnant and i have an abortion booked for tomorrow, i have no idea of what to do, my heart is totally torn, there are so manythings going on in my life now, i basically just want to dissappear. this is the hardest decision i have ever had to make.

 

first of all a little over a month me and my samboer of 3 and a half years broke up, he found out that i slept with another guy, one he didnt like, it was a 1 time thing that i regret alot, we were very careful but he is the father of this baby, I told this guy and he refuses to believe that its his, and he doesnt want a kid, I dont want anymore contact with this man at all.

 

the reason why i slept with this guy in the first place was because my best friend at the time, made it perfectly clear to me that my samboer was a horrible boyfriend who treated me like shit, and who would never be faithful to me, he had cheated before, and she said that he has been looking at her for months and flirting and trying to get together with her, i got totally sick of it, and went out and got him back.

 

turned out that she was after him and trying everything in her evil manipulative mind to break us up, she told my ex that i had been at a party and done a whole bunch of things that were defiantly not true.

 

I found out afterwards that he did have sex with her before we broke up, before i slept with this other guy.

 

I am still in love with my ex and its going to be really hard to get over him especially when we see eachother all the time and have a 2 year old son together.

 

I am sitting here all alone, totally heartbroken and clueless over what to do, i have totally messed up my life, i have always been against abortion, so its so ironic that i would end up in this situation myself.

I dont want to kill my baby, but this baby shouldn't exist, its going to be so difficult going through it all alone, nobody is ever going to want me, my life is basically over!

 

tomorrow i am either going to be a baby killer or a stupid messed up mother with a very unclear future

 

its not fair, why did god give me a fucking heart? i wish i was cold and evil like that woman who used me to get with my samboer, she destroyed not only my sons life but everyones life. Its not fair.

[Anonym bruker]

I can very well understand that you feel torn and trapped at this moment, because I've been through an abortion myself. I don't have an answr for you, and can't tell you what to do. But I do have some reflections I can share with you.

 

First of all; sounds like your phony girlfriend was partly right: if he has been unfaithful to you several times in your relationship, he has treated you like shit and you're worth better than that. Especially when you have a son and thus a common life where your supposed to love and respect each other. I think this is particularly important when there's children involved: create a stable and safe environment for the boy. But whereas ur ex does not seem to be ready for this, you're probably better off without him. Maybe you two have chance in the future, you will keep in touch regularely because of your son either way. (The relationship is dysfunctional at this point when you both have slept with others and only hurt each other)

 

About the abortion; I understand that this has put you in a difficult position because you've always been against abortion, and it goes against your beliefs. However, think of what this will do with your life! Is it only your anti-abortion belief that makes this difficult for you, or do you really want this child?? I became pregnant myself with the man who is my husband today, but it was only a couple of weeks after we first met, 7 years ago. We decided to have an abortion since we were not at all ready for it, and quite young. 1 year later we had a new baby (also conceived by accident), and this time we felt we couldn't take abortion once more, we'd already used that chance. And now we're pregnant with our second child. But the abortion was a tough thing, I felt trapped because I didn't like the thought og killing a fetus. But I cetainly wasn't ready to become a mother either- it was just chosing between two "evils". It was painful for a while, but I never think of it now, and don't regret. You'll get over it, in time, if that's what you're gonna chose.

 

Do you know for sure that it's the other guy who is the father, btw? It's going to be hard to be a single mother of two. But many women fix this well too. And saying that your life is over is way too dramatic! I know many girls who raise their children alone and still find love and meet great guys again later in life. This doesn't change who you are! No matter what you chose.

 

understand your pain and feel sorry for you, but i think you know yourself what will be the best decision for you now.. You do have a choise, and whether or not you're gonna keep it or not- your life is far from over, it's only just begun!!!!!!!! Wish u the best...

[Anonym bruker]

I wonder what you chose, how do you feel now? It's a hard decision but either way you'll feel better in time